Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
stop calling my apartment porn island.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
