I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
