your thong is hanging out like whoa
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
