I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just pee around me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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