Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
