I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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