It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
