Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
