batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
