I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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