it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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