i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
