you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
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This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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