i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
