I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Boobs speak an international language.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
