Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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