its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
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Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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