she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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