Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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