wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
