there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
please come you make the beer taste better
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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