She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
