I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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