I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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