i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
