True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
