the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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