the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
