I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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