you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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