Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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