My pussy is not your playground.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me