i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.