I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
