I just pynch a tree in the face
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked