Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
