fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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