God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?