You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
