I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
