I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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