so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
