please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
