Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
