Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
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Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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