if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
