We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
