if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
