totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
