i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize