He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
