In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
