You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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