I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
