This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
