I am spending my child support on dildos
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
