What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
