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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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