his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
