My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
