I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
