I look better un-naked...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
