Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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