Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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