guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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