So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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