There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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