i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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