I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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