I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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