Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
