We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
