I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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