I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
