Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
