I wish I could punch you in the face.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
