I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
