6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
