it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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