is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
