Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
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I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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