plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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