Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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