Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
