I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
