I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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